A Nation United: One HUGE thing you didn’t know about hurricane Florence

blog, Humor, WTF

Hurricane Florence is Growing Fast

Amidst news of Hurricane Florence sliding into our unprotected southern border, people all over the US are shocked by its size and bracing themselves for a raw impact. For many southern residents however, the news is just too hard to swallow, and with 10-14″ expected to be doled out over the next several days, Florence isn’t going to finish quickly.

Sizes may vary based on location

Gulf Coast citizens are expressing their concerns, many feeling completely screwed as the storms speed and stamina doesn’t seem to be letting up. Many are wondering what a level of penetration this deep will mean for the south in 9 months, after the storm has finished and moved away. Despite accurate wind forecasting by The National Hurricanes Updates, Facebook’s credible community is unsatisfied, unfinished and expressing their own concerns.

Here’s what they are saying:

The Storm Is Just Too Big

Many Are Feeling Unprotected

Forecasts Are Misleading

And National Hurricane Updates Is Voicing Their Own Concerns

Ultimately, Citizens Are More United Than Ever

If one thing is going to bring this great nation together, it’s a good dick joke.

Staying Positive With Full Penetration

Fortunately, if Florence is like most guys in their early 20s, it will pound hard but won’t last for more than a few minutes, so we shouldn’t be too concerned. But if it doesn’t let up, we’ll have many more storms to deal with in the future.

Moral of the story, if you post something that looks even remotely like a dick, the entire internet community is going to jump on it like the rawhide rear of an alabaster white thoroughbred. We’re all middle schoolers at heart, so keep them coming, even if it means spreading your seed amongst an entire nation. Hat’s off to Florence for literally sticking it to the man.

Jayme Hoberg

I fell out of a womb back in the 90's, and haven't looked back since. While feeding the neighborhood raccoons lasagna every Tuesday, I write deep poems about them. I sell these poems to PETA each week for a large profit. That is how I make my living.

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