Baseball Ball Hammock

How Do You Feel About Your Balls? The Answer Might Shock You!

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We know how much you adore your balls based on how far you get in this quiz.

FOREWARNING: IS EVERYTHING IN THIS QUIZ CLICKABLE? NO.

WILL CLICKING THE RIGHT ANSWER TAKE YOU TO BALL-HALLA? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT WILL.

Because, for the first time ever, we’re letting your man parts try the life-changing magic of a Ball Hammock subscription for only $5 for the first month.

FINALLY. Subscribe Me For $5

Click the better fall special.

If you’re still here I know what you’re thinking, what sort of BS quiz won’t let me click on my favorite fall latte?

Your scrotal sadism level is currently 1

P.s. If you’re annoyed that you couldn’t click on the latte…you’re going to hate the rest of this article.

Click your favorite $5 deal.

If you’re reading this, it means you put bargain street meats over your meat.

You get a second scrotal sadism point

Click your preferred way to stay dry down there.

Powdering yourself several times a day to overcome cotton’s shortcomings. Yeah, sounds totally logical.

Cotton: 1 | Your Balls: 0 | Your Scrotal Sadism: 3

Click the ideal material for your sack.

Really? The only reason you’d be reading this far into the email—considering we put an obvious answer above—is because you’re content using the fabric equivalent of 200-grit sandpaper on yourself.

How can we help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself?

You’re now a level 5 scrotal sadist

Click which way you like to shop.

Note to self: do not write anything for this because everyone will be on their way to trying $5 Ball Hammocks for the first month by now.

Nope, not even for this section

Click your favorite way to stay clean.

Surely no one is reading this. If in some cruel world these words are being read, it’s safe to say you’re the supreme ruler of Dante’s 9th circle of testicular hell.

You get another 100 points. You’ve “won” the quiz, but the real winners left this email long ago to get their $5 first month.

Head To The Real Winner’s Circle

Subscribe for $5

Here’s Your Quiz Grade If You’re Still Here


Jayme Hoberg

I fell out of a womb back in the 90's, and haven't looked back since. While feeding the neighborhood raccoons lasagna every Tuesday, I write deep poems about them. I sell these poems to PETA each week for a large profit. That is how I make my living.

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