Halloween is over, pumpkins are molded, and the mystery fluids have been washed off your Kangaroo onesie. Gone are the days of #Pumpkinpatch photo shoots and PSLs. We’re wrist-deep in Winter now, which means it’s time to start posting photos of yourself fearlessly enjoying the colder months.
Variables were tested, hypotheses were made, results were discovered. Introducing:
How to Pull Off the Top 10 Snow Poses for 2018
I’ve ranked the following ten poses on a scale of 1-10 based on overall difficulty (one being easy, ten being most difficult). Aspects such as ability to pose, props needed, and possible dangers were taken into account.
The “my feet are in snow” Photo
“Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” Wow what a line. This is a level one difficulty because all you have to do is put your feet in snow and then copy and paste the above quote into your caption. You don’t even have to choose a filter for this photo because no one cares about the hue of your shoes.
The “I catch snowflakes, not feelings” Photo
This is a very simple pose for most people. The only issue with the simplicity of this pose, is that it can also make you look like a dog. See below.
The “I’m cold but it’s funny” Photo
This is the easiest one to pull off. Don’t wear a jacket, go outside, get your body cold, cross your arms, and fake laugh while someone takes your photo. The only complicated aspect of this photo might be choosing a caption. Use a quote from a well known author talking about Winter and how it changes your soul.
The “ah yes I feel Mother Earth’s vibrations” Photo
For this photo, you really just have to let Mother Earth’s energy inside of you; or at least pretend like it. If pulling off a serene facial expression full of grattitude is difficult for you, close your eyes and think of the last time you ate a really good donut. A cake donut. With sprinkles on top. Afterwards, find a quote worthy enough to be your caption. The quote should talk about how remarkable our natural world is.
The “I’m damp & commando so I’ll go outside in 20 degree weather” Photo
Difficulty: 1-5 (dependent on outside temperature)
It’s a simple pose for simple people. I am concerned this lady will catch a cold. But most importantly, I would like to question WHO GETS OUT OF THE SHOWER, PUTS ON A TOWEL, AND THEN TELLS SOMEONE TO TAKE THEIR PHOTO WHILE THEY OPEN THE DOOR TO LET THE COLD AIR IN. It’s glass, you can look through it for God’s sake.
The “I love snowball fights” Photo
My only word of advice for a “snowball fight” photo would be to be on the receiving end of a snowball. Receiving a snowball to the face is funnier, and you look like less of a bully (look how this woman is smiling as she throws a snowball–what a bully). Also, more people are likely to leave sympathy comments on your photo. Isn’t that what most of us are fishing for these days?
The “I love to blow” Photo
As long as the photographer knows how to use shutter speed, this photo is pretty easy to pull off. The reason for a level six difficulty is because it’s hard to make your face not look weird while you’re blowing the snow. It’s similar to when you’re blowing out birthday candles; it’s kind of awkward for everyone involved but it’s also funny. See below.
The “I want my tongue to get stuck on an Icicle” Photo
W.T.HECK. This gal has obviously never seen the classic film A Christmas Story, where Flick gets his tongue stuck on the flagpole and is left out in the cold after recess ends. Imagine the following scenario: her tongue gets stuck to the icicle. She freaks out. She pulls. She breaks the icicle (assuming she has a strong tongue). The Domino Effect is created: neighboring icicles come crashing down and her big toe gets impaled. Anyways, attempt this photo at your own risk.
The “I didn’t partake in Bulking Season” Photo
I know what you’re thinking: how is this a level 8? While the overall photo is easy to pull off, I personally [accidentally] partake in #bulkingseason every Winter. That being said, the difficulty measured in this photo comes from the ability to forego Bulking season. Also, she’s casually sitting in snow, so she’s probably pretty cold.
*If you partake in Bulking season and can still take bikini photos, then I friggin’ salute you.
The “WTF is happening here” Photo
Some may say it’s Photoshopped, but I honestly can’t tell. Regardless, if you want to pull this off you’ll have to be sitting nude in a forrest before dawn. Just sit your bare body on the ground and wrap a comforter around you so it blends in with the snow. Look at the ground, clench your right wrist (because you’re nearing Hypothermia) and then hold your neck like you need to go to the Chiropractor.
“If you can dream it, you can do it.”
Shine On & Be Careful Where You Stick Your Tongue