How to play Beerio Kart, the world’s greatest pre-game drinking game.

Drankin'

The Game:

When it comes to video game drinking games, Beerio Kart takes the cake. It’s Mario Kart + Beer, and nothing more. If you think Rainbow Road is hard to navigate sober, try cruisin’ through it with a nifty .12 BAC. It’s a simple game with a huge catch 22. Do you drink immediately when the race starts or wait until the end? 

Materials:

  • Game console (Gamecube or Nintendo 64)
  • A lungful of air (the game cartridge won’t blow itself)
  • Beer
  • “Mario Kart” as such:

 

Rules:

  • Each player starts with an unopened beer of choice, placed in front of them on the coffee table and Mario Kart in the slot.

 

  • Once the race has started (aka that little beepy thing goes beep), you can crack your seal and get to drinking. But there’s no drinking and driving, so you must fully stop your vehicle and put the controller down before taking a sip. MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE MARIO KART.

Don't Drink and Drive

  • If you try to drink and drive, prepare for a friend to swipe you like this:

Don't drink and drive

 

Difficulty to explain drunk:

  • Easier than (finishing Rainbow road without falling off).

Drunkness:

  • Too drunk to drive a real car but just drunk enough to drive a Bowser shell. 

Pitfalls:

  • Mario Kart is frustrating in general. Beerio Kart will make you feel like a student driver unless you always win like my friend Ryan. 

Protips:

  • Give the game a good blow job if it isn’t working. Only 90’s babies will understand.

Blowing On The Game

 

  • When the race starts, chug your entire beer. Stopping and starting adds seconds to your time and you’ll probably lose. 

Alternatives:

  • Play a board drinking game. That way you can flip the board if you get angry while losing. Gamer rage usually ends up with thousands in damaged goods costs. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *