I Drank a Pumpkin Spice Latte for 7 Days & This is What Happened

blog, Drankin', Gals, Holidays, Humor

I’ve been reading numerous articles about the newly discovered superfood, PSLs. PSLs are known to have a positive effect on mood, self esteem, and can often times provide an individual with the feeling of inclusion within the community. Medical professionals have been raving about PSLs for a couple of years now, so I knew I had to try it for myself.

If you ever decide to go through with the PSL Challenge, make sure you’re mentally prepared. The following list of side effects is not a joking matter.

I drank a Pumpkin Spice Latte every morning for seven days and this is what happened to me:

I Was Tired Every. Single. Day.

A Pumpkin Spice Latte has the caffeine of a single coffee bean because 90% of the cup is filled with random pumps of liquid sugar. I basically went seven days with no caffeine. I did however get a few sugar highs.

I Was Broke

Spending ~$5.00 on a cup of sugar every morning is taxing on the wallet. After seven days, I had wasted nearly $40 on a drink I didn’t care for. Forty dollars is solid beer money, folks.

I Was Wasting My Time on Weird Stuff

On day three, I began getting weird urges to take on activities I had never done before. I was purchasing wall decals to liven up my living room. I went to Hobby Lobby four times over the week to purchase materials for DIY Autumn decorations. I baked 12 loaves of pumpkin bread in one day. On day six, I had an appointment at a bridal boutique to try on wedding dresses. I’m single.

I Began to Sexualize Pumpkins

On day five something started happening to me. I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of caffeine in my diet, but I began to sexualize pumpkins. I was attracted to them. I wanted to touch them. I stood outside of Sprouts staring at bundles of pumpkins for twenty minutes until I was escorted off the premises.

I Had Webbed Fingers

On day seven I woke up feeling…not myself. After washing my face, I looked down at my hands and had noticed my fingers were starting to web together. I HAD FROG HANDS. I couldn’t believe it. How could a Pumpkin Spice Latte give me the phalanges of a toad? I knew I had to go to a doctor.

My Health Was At-Risk

My doctor not only told me I was beginning to morph into an unsightly creature, but my health was at risk. I was pre-diabetic after seven days of drinking these lattes. I now have to eat plain, Kroger oatmeal for the next two weeks.


While the PSL did boost self esteem and overall mood, the drink made me feel as though I was part of a cult. I can’t describe the exact feeling, but during that week I wasn’t myself. With a clear mind, I now look around my apartment to see my walls covered in “Live, Laugh, Love” and “Love Comes First” decals. I also own a shirt that says “Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed.” I will never do the PSL Challenge again.

Shine On & Do the Belgian Dip


Jayme Hoberg

I fell out of a womb back in the 90's, and haven't looked back since. While feeding the neighborhood raccoons lasagna every Tuesday, I write deep poems about them. I sell these poems to PETA each week for a large profit. That is how I make my living.

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