American Flag Hawaiian Shirt

The USA Drinking Shirt Is Here

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The USA Drinking Shirt

If An Ice Cold Beer Were A Shirt, This Would Be It.

USA Shirt With A Beer Pocket

When these arrived at our command center warehouse in a cul-de-sac, we immediately knew a few things – the material’s so soft you can run a marathon without band-aids on your nips, a stretchy fabric that makes Stretch Armstrong seem inflexible, and a beer pocket that will turn you into an alcoholic.

Beer Pocket

It was the latter that got us thinking…

What Else Can You Stuff In It?

 A Colt 45

When stuffing a beer pocket, you want both quality and quantity. The essence of a Colt 45 captures pure quantity, but the quality comes from the hands-free holster.

12 Nippers

Shirt with Beer Pocket

“Everyone needs a lil’ nip to take the edge off.” – PawPaw Jug (who refused to socialize sober)

If there’s anything the ole man taught us, it’s that nothing takes the edge off a social setting like a quick nip. However, that quick guzzle turns into a whirlwind of a day when you’ve taken down 8 without anyone noticing.

Coupla Dogs

USA shirt with Hot Dog Pocket

Hot dogs go quickly ’round a BBQ. One minute you’re in pure bliss and the next you’re lonely, drunk, and naked at the mercy of the grill master who has but one dog to give.

The “Joey Chestnut Pocket” holds two dogs. *or 14 pigs in a blanket*

Orville Redenbacher’s Bread & Butter

USA Drinking shirt with Beer Pocket

If Dave Chapelle’s taught us anything, it’s that when you cut a hole in a popcorn bucket, good things happen. Sadly, that’s not the case here. You’ll just lose all you’re popcorn leaving a trail to your exact whereabouts.

STAY FREE & SHINE ON


Austin Rosmarin

Having been raised by a feral pack of Staten Islanders, Austin grew up on a subsistence diet of Kosher hot dogs, car exhaust, and self-loathing. His decision making skills have been described as “worse than most”, and doctors have diagnosed him as “malignantly average”. In addition to writing for this blog, Austin has done countless other things to disappoint his parents. Without the approval of strangers for his less than witty musings, his e-meter OT and PC ratings will drop and he will have to return to the Church of Scientology to correct the imbalance. Don’t let his OT and PC ratings drop.

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