What to Wear for Thanksgiving No Matter Who You Spend It With

Holidays

Aside from being the busiest travel weekend of the year, Thanksgiving is also known for some other things. It reminds us of how lucky we are to live where we do, and to give thanks for all we have, which is great timing because of what so many of us have to endure to get through it all.

Getting your Thanksgiving groove on might involve airports and spending time with the family you were so desperate to get away from, or it might include just your main squeeze and a close group of friends. Whether your thing is to gorge on turkey, watch football and sleep like a drugged grizzly bear or you just want to get to those Black Friday sales so you can pry some toys out of a crying child’s hands, back it all up with a Thanksgiving outfit that makes a statement.

Check out these ideas for what to wear to Thanksgiving dinner, no matter who you spend it with.

Thanksgiving Suits

Trophy Taxidermy Sleeveless Blazer

This fashionable blazer might scream trailer park, but there’s no goddamn way you’re going to be playing second fiddle to anyone if you stroll in with this as part of your Thanksgiving outfit. You can tell everyone that the big buck heads that adorn the front and back are your confirmed kills and no sleeves means you won’t be restricted when reaching for that second or third helping of mashed potatoes.

That 70s Suit – Thanksgiving Plaid Blazer

There’s just something about orange, yellow and brown spun into plaid and then made into a suit that gets the engines fired up. If you’ve been wondering what to wear for Thanksgiving, this is what to wear for Thanksgiving. You’ll be transformed into a 70s porn star almost instantly when you wear this Thanksgiving plaid suit. And while that might not do anything for second cousin Trudy or old Uncle Frank, any eligible ladies will happily skip dessert to take a ride on the old tuna torpedo when you’re wearing this bad boy.

Thanksgiving shirts

The Decorative Gourds – Ladies Unisex Burgundy Thanksgiving Turtleneck

This turtleneck is about as Thanksgiving as you can get. Not only is it adorned with all the foods and symbols we love like turkey, corn, apples and pumpkins, but it’s also made from a super soft and stretchy material so it will expand right along with you. The design is just busy enough to hide those runaway gravy stains, but not so busy that you’ll blend in with grandma’s wallpaper.

Thanksgiving Underwear

The Nut Munchers – Thanksgiving Squirrel Seamless Thong

 A squirrel rushing around trying to hide its nuts for winter just screams fall and Thanksgiving. Whether you let your squirrel collect any nuts after the big dinner is your business, but anyone you let in will definitely be impressed with your Thanksgiving spirit if it gets to that point. If not, this sexy thong can be your little secret from the first bite until you’ve had your fill.

Nut Munchers – Squirrel Boxers

There’s nothing like a pair of boxers with a handy ball hammock to keep the old change purse from swinging freely. Or, if your mom has the heat turned up again even though the oven is on, the last thing you need is a clammy nutsack stuck to the side of your leg. These feisty squirrel boxers are a great complement to the seamless thong, or they have no trouble working on their own so you can get out there and hide your nuts in as many holes as possible. 

Thanksgiving Pajamas

The Spread – Men’s White Thanksgiving Pajamaralls 

Sometimes, when you combine two different types of clothing that each are designed for maximum comfort into one, the results are pure magic. Such is the case when you combine pajamas and overalls to make these revolutionary pajamaralls. And when you cover them in comforting food items like roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, pies and casseroles, you’ve got a Thanksgiving outfit idea that is an instant classic. You can be sure that any ridicule or stern glances you receive are just thinly cloaked jealousy over what you’ve managed to accomplish. You can eat to your heart’s content and just keep every roll and chunky piece of goodness stuffed neatly inside.

Thanksgiving Accessories

Tryptophan Tyrants Tie

There’s no mystery to this one. It’s a big brown tie with a turkey on the front. If you’ve already decided what to wear to Thanksgiving dinner and need a kick-ass accessory to take the whole outfit to another level, this tie is the way to go. Coincidentally, it also makes a quality noose or whip if the need arises.


Austin Rosmarin

Having been raised by a feral pack of Staten Islanders, Austin grew up on a subsistence diet of Kosher hot dogs, car exhaust, and self-loathing. His decision making skills have been described as “worse than most”, and doctors have diagnosed him as “malignantly average”. In addition to writing for this blog, Austin has done countless other things to disappoint his parents. Without the approval of strangers for his less than witty musings, his e-meter OT and PC ratings will drop and he will have to return to the Church of Scientology to correct the imbalance. Don’t let his OT and PC ratings drop.

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