We owe you all an apology for our Holiday catalog.
We get it, some of you are upset about having a few pieces of paper sent to your mailbox.
We don’t need a publicist to know a crisis like this requires a swift, heartfelt apology.
Naturally, we took a page right out of BP’s playbook.
It’s Time To Shell Out Those Apologies
Okay, our way of stuffing the turkey may have been a little too progressive.
We apologize for not getting the turkey dinner scene approved by PETA before going to print.
We’re sorry you had to find this catalog under your 4th grader’s mattress.
No parent should ever have to give their kid the “talk” until they’re at least 10.
Hmmm. We’ll issue you an apology.
HOWEVER, if you think this is “that,” we think you should know there’s a whole ‘nother world out there that makes this catalog look like a Hallmark card.
Nope. Not today. We aren’t sure if you’re trying to be ironic but you will be awarded zero apologies on account of physically mailing an unsubscribe request to an online-only store.
Instead, we’ve purchased a carbon offset credit in your family’s name. It’s good for the next 1,000 lbs of emissions y’all throw off, which should be plenty to cover physically unsubscribing yourself from other catalogs you’re bound to get this year.
Offset your own emissions with TerraPass.
Apologies in advance since we hate to knock an eBay hustle, but this is a bold-faced lie. Unread?! As you’ve seen, even readers who hate us had the decency to read a page or two.
Instead of helping this liar out, here’s a link to get our catalogs free of charge.
But seriously, we made this catalog to bring a few laughs to your holiday shenanigans and remind ourselves to not take the holidays too seriously. And, again, we’re sorry we’re not sorry that didn’t go over well.
NOT OFFENDED? THIS WAY TO THE PROMISED LAND